Grateful for Increased Awareness

When I heard about the factory collapse in Bangladesh, I was heart-broken, but not surprised. The issue of the abysmal conditions of sweatshops has been close to my heart since I was a child, back when I genuinely believed that I was effecting change by boycotting Nike. As an adult, I see that this issue is far more complex than the boycott of a certain label, but I am so glad that what has happened in Bangladesh has increased consumer awareness of the horrendous human rights abuses that we have been supporting in the name of fashion.

I found out today that H&M has agreed to sign the Bangladesh Factory Safety Accord (along with Dutch retailer C&A, and Zara). While we still have a long way to go, and while it is certainly plausible that this is being done in order to diffuse the bad press these corporations have received in light of this tragedy, I don’t care what the reasons are behind doing the right thing as long as it gets done.

People all over the world have begun standing up to these corporations and demanding change, and I hope that this will continue. I long for the day when it is flat out illegal for developed world companies to operate unsafe factories anywhere, but we are headed in the right direction.

I read a post today over at Deeper Story, that explores the ethics of fashion. I did not agree with every point made in the post, but I did agree with the overall message–that when we buy something made by means of exploitation, we are just as guilty as the companies who are doing the exploiting.

Another point made in the article is that consumers all but force retailers into operating sweat shops by being unwilling to pay high prices for merchandise, and that our willingness to pay more would result in better work conditions for those in the developing world, followed by the idea that if factories in developing nations were to close, or if we were all to refuse to buy from large corporations, people in countries like Bangladesh would have their only income taken away.

There are several reasons I take issue with these latter points.

One, it is nearly impossible to find a major clothing corporation that does not employ the use of sweat labour. Whether we are paying $5 for a shirt or $95, chances are if it was purchased at the mall, it was made in a sweat shop.

Two, these corporations make enormous profits. They do not have to increase our prices. The solution lies in taking a hit to their profit margin in order to provide safe work conditions. I am well aware that the purpose of a corporation is to make money, but they need not do it at the expense of the lives of those who manufacture their goods.

Three, the trickle down effect is exactly that–a trickle. There is no reason why an employee should be working in such terrible conditions for wages on which they care barely survive, and I actually believe that there is no reason for them to be working for large multinational corporations, period. I believe that it would be far more effective if those of us in the developed world made an effort to help stimulate the local economies of poorer nations so that they can work for themselves.

For example, KIVA micro loans offers the opportunity for us to provide a $25 loan to someone in a third world nation. Once enough $25 loans have been provided, that person is able to increase their productivity and operate a thriving business. In doing so, they no longer need to ship their goods overseas to be consumed by us, but can afford to sell to their neighbours. They can employ members of their local community and spread the wealth within their own nation. The repayment rate of the loans is more than 98%, and once a loan has been repaid the lender can either take their money and walk, or reinvest in another company in order to help someone else. This method has potential to make the world a better place all around.

When those in the third world are given the tools to improve their own communities and no longer need to work for companies in North America and Europe, those companies will have less motivation to base their factories in the third world and can resume employing members of their own countries–which I’m sure we can all agree would be an enormous help to our failing economies. The environment is also protected by this model, because goods are not being shipped all over the globe and polluting our atmosphere. Win-win-win.

I am not naive enough to believe that it is just that simple, or that the entire world will be changed by this model. But I do believe that we need increased innovation to ensure that not only are we buying from companies with ethical practices, but that we are taking care of our global brothers and sisters and our planet in the process.

So while we are a long way off from where we need be, today I am grateful.

Soldier on.

Keep voting with your dollars.

You are being heard.

The Problem With Christianity

The problem with Christianity, is that it falls at a place where our greatest desires intersect with our greatest fears.

It seeks to provide answers in a way that leads to the stifling of our questions.

It presumes that we can know God, while at the same time telling us that when we don’t understand we should just have faith.

The problem with Christianity, is that it tells us we are bad. Flawed. Depraved. But that God loves us anyway. And because He loves us, we should strive to be perfect. And then it tells us what perfect is.

Perfection is living life on the straight and narrow. It is loving our neighbour as ourself. It is following a long list of rules that are supposed to make us better–that are supposed to prove our love for God. And this is the key to redemption–giving up all the things that make us human, because life on earth is a blip on the radar but we will be rewarded in eternity.

The problem is, we don’t know what eternity is like. We don’t know what will happen there or how we will be suddenly changed into perfect beings who no longer have to suffer or struggle or strive. So we hang all of our actions and hopes on something we have never seen. Just like we have never seen God.

The problem with Christianity is that it gives so many people carte blanche to behave in ways that are reprehensible. It gives us the ability to ostracize entire populations of humans simply because they are in the minority and because there are some verses in a thick, old book that we can use to prove we are right. The problem with Christianity is that The Bible can be used to justify anything–things like slavery, war, cultural genocide, executions, homophobia, sexism, racism and exclusion of the disabled.

The Bible itself says that the power of life and death are in words,  and the The Bible is full of dangerous words. It tells us that someone who has sex before marriage is deserving of a violent death. That if we hear God tells us to kill someone, we should do it–even if that person is our own child. That certain people are second class citizens. And that if we don’t follow it to the letter, we could burn.

How can we possibly hope that those messages will not drown out what is supposed to be a central message of love, when it gives us so much ammunition for hate?

The problem with Christianity, is that the story of God is separated into two books. The New Testament seems to be about love and tolerance, about not prizing rules and religion above people. But the Old Testament is rife with stories about God himself commanding the brutal murder of sinners, refusing to accept worship from those with disabilities because they are “unclean”, and about the hundreds of things that we are forbidden to do if we want to be acceptable in the eyes of the Almighty.

How do we reconcile those two stories? How do we believe that a God who would have had us be stoned to death, or drowned in a flood, or turned into a pillar of salt for stepping out of line is the same God who would willingly come to Earth to show us how to love?

It doesn’t matter that the Old Testament laws only apply to those of a particular tribe in a particular time. A human is a human–if any of us had been born then and there, we would have had to live under a rule that I can only categorize as tyranny. It’s easy for modern day Christians to ignore the Old Testament and say that we are no longer subject to those standards, that now we have grace, but I’m not so sure. Because if God is God, He is the same one. The heart of Him is the same. The rules may have changed, but He hasn’t.

The problem with Christianity is that, for something that is supposed to help, it has caused so much hurt. Historically. Literally. Not just in the Bible, but in our recent past. People have been burned alive. Women have been subjugated. Nazis have blamed the Jews that killed Jesus and African-Americans have been sold like chattel. Children have been taught, to their very core, to feel shame. Men and women have lived with guilt for making decisions they thought were right for themselves. Loving couples have been denied the right to be recognized.

I have heard it said, time after time, that these atrocities were committed by people, not God–I get that. But there is a book that people are using to justify hate. And that is a problem.

Why I Don’t Think My Kids Should Have to Ask my Permission to get Tested for STDs

If you asked me what I hope to accomplish as a mother, the list would be as long as a scroll. There is so much that I want for my children. So much I want them to experience,  learn, understand, and become. Even in light of all these hopes and dreams, there is one thing of which I have been acutely aware since my firstborn lived inside me: I am connected to my children, but I do not own them. I can place limits around their behaviour, but, especially as they get older, the training wheels are going to have to come off and they are going to be who they are going to be. At the end of the day, I am living my life, and they are living theirs. The last thing that I want is for them to spend their only life trying to please me.

Is this sentiment unpopular? There seems to be a significant portion of parents who do not share my thoughts on this subject. Parents who believe that they should have a say in any decision their child (regardless of that child’s age) is making. Parents who believe that, in a sense, they own their children–at least until they reach the age of majority.

Could that be what’s at play with this new bill proposed in North Carolina? House Bill 693 would require that teenagers obtain a notarized permission form from their parents before being able to seek treatment for mental health counselling, STDs, pregnancy, or substance abuse. This idea is so wrong to me on so many levels that I am not even sure where to start.

The purpose of this bill is to ensure that teens actually tell their parents when something major is going on with their health, under the assumption that the parent is going to be supportive. But there are obviously other issues at play here–and a major one is the idea that parents should be aware of their teen is engaging in behaviours that would cause them to require pregnancy care or STD testing in the first place. At the crux of this issue, is the notion that parents have the right to know everything about their children. And I just don’t think that’s the case.

Parents, just like the teens that this bill would affect, are flawed. Some of them have tempers. Some of them are not great at being present. Some of them have effectively zero working-knowledge of things like teenage sexuality or mental health or substance abuse. Some have no idea how to properly discipline a child. Some are drinkers, or drug abusers themselves. Some may even be responsible for whatever it is that is causing the teen to seek care in the first place.

I work with youth, and I can tell you there are a disturbing number of stories about kids who were given their first high by their parents. Parents who may NOT give permission for their child to receive treatment for an addiction because the finger may point back to them. Parents who may even be responsible for their child’s pregnancy or STD. Were any of these ideas taken into account when the Republicans drummed up this brilliant idea? Not every child comes from a family equipped to help them. Not every child comes from a family who hasn’t hurt them. That is why there are professionals in this arena, and forcing kids to tell their parents AND A NOTARY when they need help is just asking for all kinds of trouble.

Even aside from the existence of abusive parents, there are serious ethical problems with this bill. Many people will disagree with me when I state that a minor has the right to privacy, but there it is anyway. I do believe that minors are people, and no one deserves to have their private business aired to anyone who they do not trust or are not comfortable with. Then, again, is that issue of permission–a word which, in this context, just gets my hackles right up because no parent should have the right to tell a child they cannot receive medical treatment for something. Even if it were possible to make a case that parents should be notified if their child seeks such services, it is absolutely asinine to give parents the power to take away the ability of a teen to receive treatment for an illness.

Most of the controversy around this bill has been due to the fact that it addresses STD testing, since most kids wouldn’t be excited about the idea of their parents knowing they may have an STD. We cannot forget about the other areas in which a child will be forced to have their parents’ consent to receive care. Mental Health care is a huge issue–something that absolutely needs to be accessible to everyone. The teen suicide rate is through the roof, we have outcasts opening fire at schools, and The Republican Party is of the impression that if a teen’s parent says “Sorry, no therapy for you”, to a child who is concerned enough to be actively seeking help, then that parent has the final say? And does this party, which claims to be so pro-life, believe that it would be better for a teen to go through an entire pregnancy without health care if they cannot or will not obtain a notarized permission form from their parents to receive prenatal care?

As a mom, I will say that I would much rather have my kids get the treatment they need without my knowledge, then to forgo it altogether because, for whatever reason, they are uncomfortable talking to me. And if my kids are smart enough to realize that they need help and to seek it, than I will have done my job. I can’t say what kind of parent I will be when I have teens. I hope I’ll be the kind whose kids can talk to them about anything. But I do know, that even if I’m not, even if I somehow mess up and they feel I won’t be there for them, that SOMEONE will be there for them. And hopefully that someone won’t turn them away because they don’t have a permission form signed by a notary.

Safe People

Today I am grateful for safe people. I am grateful that there are individuals in the world, and in my life, who are willing to go against the party line in order to extend grace to others.

Being a “Christian” is kind of a weird experience. We have been taught to be counter-cultural, and from our own little bubble see things differently than those on the outside. That means, for the most part, when everyone else is saying “Yes”, we are saying “No.”

No to partying.

No to sex.

No to marriage equality.

No, No, No.

 

It’s sad that my experience of a faith that is supposed to bring freedom can be summed up in such negative terms, but there it is.

We are missing the opportunity to say “Yes.”

Yes, God loves you just the way you are.

Yes, you are a wonderful and unique person.

Yes, you can tell me all of it and I won’t look down on you or turn you away.

Yes, those are excellent questions and I understand why you would ask them.

Jesus spent the vast majority of His time telling the hyper-religious that they were wrong to be so judgmental.He hung out with people who everyone judged. Prostitutes, corrupt government officials and lepers were among those he made a point to spend time with.

I would venture to say that the church, in general, has got it all wrong. We are not supposed to be a sub-culture, hiding out in our pews, hosting Christian singles mixers, listening to Christian rock and pretending that we are better than everyone else while doing absolutely nothing to get to know them.

Jesus was safe. He was a safe place. He exuded love, and because of that any one at all, no matter who they were or what they had done or what the “church” had to say about them–felt comfortable coming to Him.

Lately–mercifully–I have begun to take notice of the people out there who are also safe. People that, if I have doubts or fears or regrets, I can talk to, and they won’t judge me. People who will not balk if I say I’m not sure I like the way God is portrayed in the Old Testament. People who will not jump down my throat if I say maybe we have it wrong about hell. People who don’t care what I have done, they care who I am.

If you are a believer and you are not safe, I beg you, please, become safe. You don’t have to defend God. He doesn’t need a bodyguard. He is quite capable of dealing with the struggling and the doubtful and the sinners (and newsflash, that’s all of us).  And we are here to follow Jesus’ example.

Let’s spend less time shouting “No!” and more time listening. You might be surprised at what you hear.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Do you have safe people in your life?

What difference has this made?

Or maybe you’ve been wounded to the point where you don’t feel safe with Christians anymore.

Either way, I’d love to hear your story.

Leave a comment.

Minimalist Easter

Last week while at the grocery store, I heard a mom lament to her friend that “Easter is so expensive!” I remember thinking what an odd statement this was. Yet, I can see how it could be true. I know plenty of families who go ALL out for the holiday–and by “all out”, I mean lots of gifts, lots of chocolate, visits to the Easter bunny, new outfits for everyone, professional Easter photos and a fancy dinner.

I just can’t go there for Easter. I just can’t. A) It has always been primarily a religious holiday for me, and B) I wasn’t raised that way, so it is way out of the norm. Not that I let the traditions of my family of origin dictate what my own family does, but in my opinion there is zero reason to commercialize Easter.

I think some parents feel pressure around holidays like this. They don’t want their kids to feel left out when every other kid has photos with the Easter Bunny and a fancy basket filled with presents. As for me, though, I don’t worry too much about what everyone else is doing, and here’s why. When I was growing up, Easter cost my parents a grand total of maybe $10. My sister and I each got a couple of Cadbury cream eggs and a chocolate bunny, and then my parents hid what a amounted to one package of small foil wrapped eggs around the house for us to hunt for. No baskets. No fancy outfits. No gifts. And DEFINITELY no Easter bunny tracks on the lawn. I’m not saying those other things are wrong. I’m sure they’re lots of fun and if that’s what makes your parent heart happy, go for it! But I will say, that as a child, I never knew what anyone else was doing for Easter. I never wondered why I didn’t get a brand new dress and we didn’t get back to school after the long weekend and compare notes on what was in whose Easter basket. It was old news and we were ready to move on.

Also? I actually remember the day I realized that other kids got gifts for Easter. I was probably 11, and my friend mentioned that something or other had been an Easter gift and I looked at her like she was speaking a different language. No jealousy. No disappointment. Just “you get gifts for Easter? Well, that’s weird.” The End.

I have zero concern that my kids are going to feel cheated that we keep Easter simple around these parts. Since I am the mama, I get to make the traditions and I get to decide what emphasis is placed on what things, and that is great. In our home, I don’t have to bend to societal pressure, and whatever way we decide to celebrate is going to be what my kids grow up thinking of as normal.

So, what do we do for Easter?

We go to church.

We have a nice meal.

Our kids probably wear clothes they already have.

We don’t go see the Easter bunny because he terrifies me to my very core.

We have a little Easter Egg Hunt. This year the kids hunted for plastic eggs filled with candy, goldfish crackers and stickers since we are trying to avoid chocolate for ethical reasons.

And um, that’s it. We had a great time and it didn’t cost us a lot of money or stress at ALL. The kids LOVED their Easter Egg hunt and I loved not driving myself crazy trying to plan an elaborate Easter. Win-win.

Grateful: for the reminder that everybody has a story

There is a man who lives in my city. He is known as “The Rabbit Ears Guy”, because he wears a pair of Rabbit Ears wherever he goes. Every time I see him out and about, I kind of smile and shake my head. I’ve never spoken to him, because a) why would I? I recognize him but I doubt he’d recognize me, and b) I’ve always been afraid that he might be a little bit crazy. I mean, who wears rabbit ears as a matter of course?

My husband and I have always speculated as to why he does this. Maybe he believes that the rabbit ears block the aliens from being able to read his thoughts. Maybe he is starved for attention. Maybe he just really likes rabbits.

Then last Friday, my husband came home and told me a story that will forever change the way I view Rabbit Ears. The other day he ran into someone who knew this man before he was The Rabbit Ears Guy. And he told my husband that this weekend R.E.G. would not be wearing his signature accessory because his wife and daughter were killed on Easter. He wears the ears as a way of remembering them throughout the rest of the year, but on Easter, when everyone else is wearing bunny ears, he takes them off.

The other day I was having a conversation with some friends of mine regarding mental illness, and one of the women said something very astute. She said, and I quote, “I wish we would stop using the word ‘crazy’ to describe very real problems.”

She is right.

I am grateful for this reality check and for the opportunity to learn a little more about someone that I formerly would have dismissed as nothing more than a local weirdo. Everybody has a story.

Confession

I bought some stuff.

Before you declare me a failure and hit “unfollow”, allow me to explain.

When we had the unfortunate apartment fire incident, some of our things were destroyed. Not a TON of our belongings, but some clothes, books, toys, shoes, etc. And all of this happened when we were without a functioning vehicle.

Our community center, knowing that we are perpetually low on funds, helped us out by giving us some gift cars to go replace the things that we’d lost. Using the gift cards to buy new items would save us money, since the items would essentially be free. Replacing our things with thrift store finds would have cost us money. Then there was the fact that we had no car, and the thrift stores we frequent aren’t on the bus route. And the fact that we needed to replace certain items ASAP–I was tired of waiting at the bus stop in the cold in my ballet flats (my one surviving pair of shoes), and I didn’t feel right telling my son we would replace his favourite book when I happened to come across a copy at Value Village.

So I bought the stuff. And while I was replacing some damaged items with newer ones, I went a little farther. This is where the true confession starts. Moses needed a spring jacket. Every pair of pants he owned was riddled with holes (seriously). Miriam had been wearing the same dress to church for about 2 months straight. These were not items that strictly needed to be replaced because of the fire, and I used cash instead of the gift cards. So, I confess.

Other things have come up too. Like, when I’m out, should I buy a bottled drink, or bring a stainless steel water bottle from home? Because I don’t own a stainless steel water bottle, and buying one would be breaking the rules. Yet, the purpose of this exercise is to consume less and be more sustainable in my habits. So what makes more sense? Bending the rules to buy a water bottle that I can reuse again and again, or buying drinks in throwaway containers and hurting the planet (and my wallet)? These are the day to day questions that weigh on my mind. I am not much for legalism and am a much bigger fan of common sense when it comes to making these decisions. I’m going to buy the water bottle. Don’t hate.

As is stands, I will view our post-fire spending as a hiatus from our six month consumerism fast. It is Easter, the season of new beginnings, and I will be ready to commit to this experiment with new vigor starting Monday. I’m sure this won’t be the last challenge we face, but hopefully we won’t have any more major set-backs in the next few months.

Happy Easter!

Be The Good

When bad things happen, we are given the chance to be the good.

This is a lesson that I have learned over the past couple of weeks.

Our family has had a hard time. Our car stopped working completely. We had some unexpected expenses that had to be dealt with immediately. Our apartment caught fire in the middle of the night and scared the crap out of us, damaged some of our belongings, and displaced us for a few days. And I was feeling very under the weather and could barely function. These things happened one after the other, like blocks being slowly removed during a game of Jenga. We were angry and stressed and didn’t know why.

Looking back, all of that bad has given us a chance to see the good. It has given the people in our lives the chance to be the good.

The night of the fire, our neighbours invited us to stay in their one bedroom house so we wouldn’t have to disturb my parents in the middle of the night.

When our car broke down, people offered us rides so we wouldn’t have to drag two kids on the bus, and others came over to repair what they could to cut down on what we would have to pay a mechanic. My husbands’ parents offered to help us pay for the rest of the work on the car.

I cried to friends about how devastated I was to be 27 years old and looking under my couch cushions for bus fare. I wanted nothing more than to just vent, but they sent money, calling it the “couch cushion fund.” Hundreds of dollars for no reason other than that I was hurting and they cared about me and didn’t want me to be in financial distress.

A friend picked me up and let me hide out at her place so I could rest and feel better.

When everything fell apart, the people in my life banded together. I realized we are not alone. We are part of a community. The bad gives us a chance to see the good.

And there is so much more to thank God for–like the fact that my kids are safe. That no one is lying in a burn ward somewhere, or worse. That my husband and I woke up, called the fire department, and got the kids outside before the fire alarms even went off.

Bad things are a part of life. Bad things will always happen, and none of us are exempt from them. What makes the bad bearable–even favourable–is our ability, as people, to step in and be the good.

Sometimes I wonder why God allows bad things to happen. Not just to us, but to anyone. I know that there are certain tragedies that the goodness of others cannot reverse or repair, but I am starting to understand that there are so many problems out there could be greatly diminished if everyone loved their neighbour. Maybe God is not there to stop pain and suffering. Maybe those things are just a condition of living in this world. But maybe God gives us each other, so that when we do struggle we are in it together.

Thank you to all our friends and family.

You are the good in the world. You are the miracle.

Today I am grateful for my coat, my scarf, my hat, my gloves, and the fact that my mom gave me several pairs of leggings that now function as long johns. Why, you ask? Because our van broke down and I’ve been taking buses everywhere the past few days. I’m also grateful for my husband who helped me figure out the confusing bus transfer system and used Google Earth to show me exactly where I would be getting off and on, and for the generosity of the co-worker who offered to drive me home so that I wouldn’t have to take the bus both ways.

Thanks Annie!

 

Other things to be grateful for:

My husband got into his first choice of grad school–yay! They even phoned to tell him about his offer before he received the written acceptance in the mail, which I’m told is a huge deal. They mentioned several times how impressed they were by him, and people are already talking about hooking him up with head hunters for employment once he is done. I am so proud!

The perspective of people who have lived longer than I. It is so easy to feel like I am not moving forward fast enough, and I love, love, love hearing stories about people who started off just like us and wound up somewhere great. It gives me the hope I need to just keep on going.

The fact that I get to see my health care provider tomorrow to discuss the persistent twitchy pain in my lower back. I’m looking forward to figuring out what this is and getting rid of it so I can stop mainlining Ibuprofen!

 

That’s all for tonight.

What are some things you’re grateful for this week?

 

 

 

Less is More

In our home, we are embracing the concept that less is more.

We are watching less T.V. to make room for more music and silence.

We are spending less money to get more peace of mind.

We are living with less stuff, so that we can have more space.

We are eating less junk, to experience greater health.

We are downsizing our wardrobes to have more cohesive styles.

We are experiencing less stress and loving more life.

 

In what ways has less equaled more in your life?